


The Truth

by waywardaquarius



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x19.5, After 15x19, Angel Kisses, Angel Wings, Angel/Human Relationships, Angst and Feels, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon Rewrite, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Coffee, Conversations in the Impala (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Family, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Goodbyes, Headcanon, Heaven, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Led Zeppelin References, Lovesickness, M/M, Making Out in the Impala (Supernatural), Marriage Proposal, Metallica References, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, My First Castiel/Dean Winchester Fanfiction, My First Fanfic, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon Fix-It, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Rewrite, Saileen - Freeform, Scrabble, Sleeping in the Impala (Supernatural), Snow, Song: Saturn (Sleeping At Last), Spoilers, Spooning, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Empty (Supernatural), Whiskey & Scotch, Wishful Thinking, for chapter 6, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardaquarius/pseuds/waywardaquarius
Summary: "Cas. You're...beautiful. So fucking beautiful. Can I...?" Dean finally broke the silence between them and reached out to touch the raven black feathers of Castiel's wings, breaking Cas out of his melancholy trance entirely with those few simple words. Cas nodded, bringing his shining blue eyes back up to make contact with Dean's bright green ones, and Dean was immediately lost in their glowing, celestial depth. The moment was euphoric for them both as they allowed themselves tofeel, stripped down to raw emotion. If only they had been able to experience this years ago...how different things could have been.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who are still in some stage of grief over the shipwreck that is Destiel...I see you. The level of cheese ball lovey stuff that came out of my mind for this story is almost frightening to me, but I needed it. So here it is...my first fanfic story ever. 
> 
> My intention was to try and tie in the interim period between 15x19 and 15x20 and "fix" some plot points that I personally felt were broken, while simultaneously staying true to the concepts and storyline of the original CW ending as much as I could (even though I didn't like that ending). 
> 
> I added quite a bit to Chapter 2 after I originally posted because I needed more kissing in the Impala, TBH. 
> 
> Feedback appreciated :)

Castiel woke up in complete darkness, gasping for breath. He immediately felt panic as he tried to clear his head, groping around and coming in contact with a cold, hard floor and the smell of stale death. It only took him several moments to understand that he was again in The Empty; a familiar place to him. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and he had never wished to fold himself into eternal sleep more than he did right now. He collapsed on to the concrete and let the coolness of it soothe his face for a moment as he collected his thoughts, eyes closed, breathing shallow and labored. All he could think about was Dean. He felt frantic. Lost. Shaken. Suffocated; he had expected to be at peace after his confession, but now that he was awake, his mind and his heart were screaming in pain. However, he didn't have more than a second to drown in his sorrow before he heard Jack's voice calling to him from somewhere up above.

"Castiel, it's time to come home." 

Cas couldn't see Jack, but he suddenly felt a warmth, and felt himself being lifted gently from the darkness. He allowed his body to slump over, arms dangling by his sides, head hanging, eyes closed. He felt warm air caress him and ruffle his hair, and his reaction was to then raise his face upwards, and breathe deeply as he recognized the dewy smell of Heaven as it drew closer. It eased his breathing a little, and he clutched his open trench coat with both hands, relaxing his wings so that black feathers draped down his back and brushed his shoes. He became aware suddenly that The Empty had discovered his escape and heard Her screams of rage, but it was just a distant echo now as he finished his ascent and found himself on the floor at the foot of God's - Jack's - chair. A familiar room, full of light but also full of bad memories.

"Castiel?" Jack's greeting was a surprised, questioning whisper as he knelt down and put his hand gently on Cas's back. 

Cas allowed Jack to touch him as he remained in his chosen position; knees pulled up to his chin, face buried in his arms, cocooned in his wings. His sobs were silent, but his shoulders shook as Jack proceeded to reach into Cas's mind to find the source of this alarming pain.

As he gently read Cas's thoughts, Jack's eyes widened and he abruptly withdrew his hand and wrestled Cas to his feet. Cas's eyes were red, his face swollen from tears.

"You - told Dean that you loved him?" Jack inquired confusedly, his eyebrows furrowed. 

He watched Cas wrestle with a response and probed further: 

"but - he didn't say it back. So...you think he doesn't love you the same way?"

Jack didn't understand this. Didn't Cas know? He had to know that the feeling was mutual after all this time? Jack thought everyone in their family knew. He stared at the floor, contemplating the conundrum. This was complicated.

"I - you have to let me go back", Cas responded, "I need to fix it. I need to finish this. I thought I was ok leaving it the way I did, but I'm not. I'm not." The misery in his eyes made Jack upset.

"Castiel, I need you here. I need you to help me to rebuild Heaven. You will see Dean again in time." Jack looked at Castiel again inquisitively; he wasn't as confident in his mind as his words had sounded. He had never seen his father so weak and so broken, and he wanted to help.

"Give me one day," Cas pleaded, "just one - please. And I want to be human - I need to feel...everything. Let me say a proper goodbye." He steadied his gaze, locking eyes with his beautiful son - with the new God. He swelled with pride underneath the pain, and it was a welcomed feeling - a moment of relief.

"You've never asked me for anything Castiel. And you have given me everything. I will do this for you."

Cas collapsed back on to the floor in a heap of gratitude. "Thank you, Jack." He looked up as Jack gave him a small smile and snapped his fingers. 

"See you soon," Jack said. His words were a faraway echo even as the last syllable left his lips, and Castiel found himself standing in a dark roadhouse parking lot in the middle of the night.

-

It was quiet and still, but cold. The chill in the air forced Cas to wrap his coat around himself tightly and try not to shiver - Jack had granted his request to be human, which meant he felt the bite in the air keenly. 

He glanced around, trying to figure out where he was. Across the wide gravel parking lot, shrouded in the darkness of the night, was a single car; the Impala. Cas's heart quickened as his eyes started darting around, looking for any sign of Dean. The windows of the Roadhouse, which was called "Jake's", were dark. He wondered if Dean was working a case here. It had to have been what...at least a week since he had been taken by The Empty? He wasn't sure.

After failing to see any sign of Dean, he strode towards the entry to Jake's and tried the door, but it was locked. 

He continued around to the side of the building, then around the back, and that's where he saw him. Cas's heart fluttered nervously for a moment, and then started pounding as fear gripped him tight. Dean was motionless on the ground, partially covered with his leather jacket. Next to him was an empty bottle of whiskey.

Cas ran to him, kneeling down and placing his hand on Dean's back, looking for any sign of life. From several feet away he had looked dead. But upon placing a hand on him, Cas felt Dean's shallow breathing and immediately started to turn him over.

"Dean! Dean?" Cas shook him gently after he had rolled him on to his back. 

Dean groaned weakly and his eyes flickered, but they didn't open. Cas felt for Dean's hand and it was cold as ice. He brushed a hand across his face and discovered that it, too, was dangerously cold. In a panic, he put his arms around Dean's torso and pulled him up against his own warm chest and wrapped him in his coat. Cas didn't know what to do without his powers - he had never felt so helpless. He rocked back and forth, trying to warm the limp, cold body in his arms, letting tears fall in Dean's hair.

After what seemed like an eternity, Dean stirred. He rubbed his face in Cas's rumpled white dress shirt and looked up at him through bloodshot, blurry eyes.

"Fuck you, Lucifer", he slurred, "Fuck you." He struggled weakly against Cas, but Cas held him tight, knowing that his body heat was helping to warm Dean inside of his coat - he would have to work on sobering him up next, but he was taking it a moment at a time.

And now Dean's head was resting on Cas's neck, and Cas stiffened, fighting suddenly against the urge to kiss Dean's forehead. He settled for running his hand over his cheek to try and wake him as gently as he could instead.

"You smell good", Dean murmured suddenly, "like watermelon and cinnamon." 

Cas heard Dean chuckle at his own observation, and a brief smile flitted across Cas's face at the comment - it cheered him that Dean seemed to be coming around rather quickly.

"Dean, we should get you to the Impala. We should get you warm", Cas said in a soft voice. 

And at this, Dean sat straight up and put his hands to his own face, rubbing his eyes and running his fingers through his hair. He blinked quickly in the darkness and squinted, not quite believing what he saw as he came to full consciousness, his eyes clearing, and Cas's face swam into view. Surely this was Lucifer fucking with him again just like that phone call, when he thought for a quick moment that Cas had come back from the dead. 

But the inflection in that voice; it was too perfect...too Cas. But it couldn't be, could it? He swayed slightly, and reached out to gently touch the angel's face.

The physical connection helped him to confirm that this wasn't just a hallucination at the bottom of a bottle - it was real, and this was Cas. He barely dared to breathe, in case the moment should pass and he would be left in the cold darkness alone again. Both men stared at each other in breathless silence, afraid to move.

Finally, Cas shyly grabbed Dean's hand and held it against his cheek. The cold had momentarily become unimportant. The world stopped. Time stopped. Nothing at all mattered but this, and his heart beat loudly in his chest.

"God I missed you", Dean breathed longingly, and closed the distance between them. 

He put his other hand in Cas's hair and pulled their faces together until their foreheads touched. His blood suddenly felt warm and his heart was racing as the residual effect of his drunken haze cleared rapidly. 

_I'm getting another chance_ He thought. He wasn't going to fuck everything up like he did when he watched The Empty take Cas away last time. _Be brave,_ he thought.

There was a short pause as Dean hesitated for a final second before pulling his angel into a soft kiss.

-

Dean wasn't sure why it surprised him so much that Cas kissed him back so willingly, or that the soft, exploratory kiss quickly turned into one of urgency. 

Cas had both of his hands woven tightly into Dean's hair, and he moaned deeply when Dean pulled him in by the lapels of his coat, his rough hands slipping confidently under Cas's shirt. He slid his fingers over Cas's broad shoulders and along his spine, and smiled in to their kiss when goosebumps formed under his touch and Cas arched in to him. Dean had never needed anything more than he needed Cas right now. God he needed him. He had missed him so much it physically hurt, and now he was here and it was euphoric and he was losing control very quickly. 

An ache started to form low in his stomach, making him feel like he would go crazy if Cas didn't touch him back. And as if on cue, Cas grew bold, running his hands inside of Dean's shirt, down to his hips, and sliding his fingers lightly into the top of his jeans.

Something about this caused Dean to have a moment of panic and he pushed away suddenly, breaking contact with Cas entirely, his body on fire. His bright green eyes made contact with Cas's beautiful blue ones and he read so much passion there...so much need. He was sure they were a reflection of his own in that way. _Were they really doing this? _A thousand thoughts raced through his head until his mind started to feel numb. He had never wanted anyone like this, and it made him feel scared and vulnerable.__

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_Fuck. _Dean knew he needed to get himself in order fast so he didn't ruin this any more than he already had.__

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"Let's - I - let's slow down for a minute, ok?" Dean started to feel guilty immediately when Cas's expression became fearful. Dean ran his hands nervously through his hair as he tried to collect his thoughts and slow his pounding heart. 

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"I - I want this Cas, OK? I do. But its a lot. Just...give me a minute." 

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Dean watched Cas contemplate him for a moment, and it made him nervous. He knew if Cas tried to reengage him, he wouldn't be able to say no. But he didn't, and Dean was almost disappointed, knowing now that it would be up to him to make the next move. Cas gave him a small, understanding smile and sat back quietly, directing his gaze at the ground as he tried to slow his own heart and his breathing back to normal.

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Dean finally reached for Cas after he was able to regain his composure, pulling him into a soft embrace, relishing in his closeness and his warmth, and Cas slipped his head down until he was resting on Dean's chest, listening to his slow, even breathing as they sat in what became a comfortable silence together. 

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_This is happening, _Dean thought. He had not felt excitement like this for as long as he could remember - maybe ever. He was nervous too, and terrified, but he wrestled to pushed those feelings away. Nothing was going to ruin this.__

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-

It started to snow as Cas and Dean continued to sit quietly in the parking lot together. Large, silent flakes fell and caught in their hair and their eyelashes, their breath steaming up visibly against the darkness. They had started to shiver in the damp snow, but neither one of them wanted to move. Cas rested his head on Dean's chest and listened to his breathing, relishing in his warmth and the smell of leather, whiskey, and aftershave. The combination was intoxicating and familiar to him.

Cas finally pushed himself up with his hands, knowing they needed to move out of the cold, and shyly handed Dean his leather jacket as he pulled away. He warmed at the amused half smile on Dean's face as he sat propped on the ground, hands draped over his knees, frozen in thoughtful contemplation before he moved to put his jacket back on.

"What the fuck, Cas? You picked a Hell of a night to come and find me." He chuckled gruffly as he brushed gravel and snow off of his pants and stood up, offering his hand to Cas to help him off the ground before setting off towards the Impala.

As they approached the car, Dean produced the keys and unlocked the back doors.

"Aren't we - going back to the bunker?" Cas asked.

"No, I wanted to give Sammy some alone time with Eileen," Dean said with a wink. "Planned on sleeping in Baby tonight. Is that alright with you?" He turned around and looked down his nose at Cas, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, his green eyes burning a hole into Cas's soul. 

"I - yes, ok," Cas said.

-

After Dean had unlocked Baby's rear doors, he pulled blankets out of the trunk and slid in beside Cas, who was sitting in the center seat, hands folded, staring at the dashboard.

"I -- I'm sorry, Dean. I...shouldn't have surprised you like this." Cas continued to stare forward. It's all he could say in the moment, and he felt foolish. All he could think about was how he very nearly ruined his time here by giving in too quickly to his human desire for Dean. He felt weak and unsure and he still wasn't confident that Dean was comfortable with all of this. It made his heart ache.

But Dean was quick to reassure him. 

"Its ok. I want you, Cas", Dean whispered, "I want you so much it hurts. I've wanted you for a long time, but I didn't know it. Not until you said it. Not until you told me you loved me and then I couldn't have you anymore. It's been killing me. I thought you were gone for good this time."

Cas's heart beat loudly, and he was short of breath as he listened to Dean's deep, melancholy voice wash over him like a spell. All he wanted was Dean; to love him...to touch him...it was all he had ever wanted. 

As Cas continued to be lost in thought, Dean moved closer, wrapped a blanket gently around his shoulders, and pulled him in until his lips brushed Cas's again.

"I love you. I love you so goddamn much."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never opened myself this way  
> Life is ours, we live it our way  
> All these words I don't just say  
> And nothing else matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Nothing Else Matters_ by Metallica is very personal to me. It seemed appropriate for this - I hope you agree!

Cas woke first, taking a moment to gauge where he was. He tried to move his right arm, but couldn't. As he glanced over, he realized it was because Dean was sleeping on it, his face buried in Cas's chest, his back against the seat of the Impala. He hoisted his left arm up, half asleep, to pull the blanket back over Dean's shoulders. _This is what love looks like _, he thought.__

____

He glanced up to see that all of the windows of the Impala were covered in snow. It made the moment even better, being wrapped up in here with his beautiful hunter in their own little world, and he relished in it for a little longer, listening to Dean's slow, relaxed breathing against his shirt and closing his eyes appreciatively.

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His stomach suddenly grumbled hungrily and he realized that he was craving a cup of coffee. Coffee with cream and sugar. He wanted it so much he could smell it. He wondered if he could pull himself away from Dean without waking him. He could see a faint light glowing through the snowy dashboard that seemed to be coming from the direction of Jake's, and thought maybe the owners had come in early to prep for the day - maybe they would have coffee.

____

Cas slowly slid himself up into a seated position, gingerly moving on to the floor and placing Dean's head gently in a pile of blankets on the seat to serve as a pillow. Dean didn't even stir. Cas could only assume that he was in desperate need of sleep. As beautiful as he was, he had looked near death when he found him the night before and Cas didn't want to wake him before he was ready. 

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He found his pants and shoes, slid them on quietly, and climbed over the center console to the front seat, where he proceeded to exit through the driver side door, pulling his coat with him as he set off for Jake's.

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-

The door swung open easily, and Cas found himself in the dining room of a typical roadhouse. Red leather booths around the perimeter, with oak tables scattered in the center, surrounding a central bar with stools running its length. Dim lighting from a dozen sconces and several gaudy pendants with stained glass shades set the mood for the place, and several pool tables and electronic dart boards were visible in the back. Jake's smelled of cigarette smoke and stale beer, but Cas ignored it as he scanned the room for a person who might be able to help him.

As he surveyed the scene, he saw movement in his peripheral vision and snapped his head over in its direction, only to find Jack standing behind the bar. Jack leaned an elbow on the bar top, studying Cas intently. He was drying a pint glass with a white bar towel as a knowing smile spread over his face.

"Did you get what you came back for?" He asked, and Cas blushed.

"Um - my time isn't up yet, is it?" Cas asked.

"Not yet. And I know what you want. Be right back." Jack strode to the side of the red dining room where a swinging door led him out of sight, and he promptly came back with 2 to go cups of coffee - one black, and one with cream and sugar. Cas studied Jack for a moment, not knowing what to say. He wondered how much Jack had seen of his reunion with Dean, and stared at the floor in silence. He was happy when Jack spoke first:

"Castiel, there's...something I should tell you. Something I wanted to say before, but you weren't ready." Jack looked purposefully at Cas, waiting for him to respond.

"What is it?" Cas asked, hovering near the door.

"Dean is going to die. Soon." Cas blanched. He felt his body go numb.

"When?" Cas asked.

"In a few more days." Jack said regretfully. "But it's ok, Castiel - I have plans for him. For us. It's going to be ok." 

Cas stood in silence, letting this new knowledge sink it. "You can't try and save him, Castiel. It's Dean's destiny. He decided he wanted to end it when The Empty took you, and now he has written his own fate. He will succeed on his next hunt with Sam."

Cas didn't want to feel this way right now - defeated and once again trying to keep the pieces of his recently mended heart together. It was all so unfair.

"That's the other reason you can't stay, Castiel. Dean's fate is sealed. If you stay, you will die, too. A human death. And I need you to come back with restored grace. Not dead."

Cas stood in the doorway of the dimly lit roadhouse for a moment longer in silence before turning and walking out briskly without another word. 

He came to an abrupt stop halfway across the parking lot and dropped to his knees in momentary defeat; could he do nothing right? Human anger consumed his mind as he knelt on the ground in the cold, and for a moment he let it. He breathed hard and stared at the brightening horizon, concentrating and listening to the blood rushing heavily in his ears, his breath fogging up in the chill morning air. He made several small sounds of defeat before he switched his gaze abruptly over to the Impala as he heard the door open and shut. Dean was walking towards him with a concerned look on his face, and Cas stood up abruptly.

"Are you ok, man? What are you doing?" Dean reached him and put a hand on his shoulder, and Cas's anger immediately started dissolving as he managed a smile.

"Coffee?" He said, and handed Dean a cup.

"You read my mind," Dean said, and winked before taking a sip and smiling appreciatively. "That's a damn fine cup of coffee", he said, "Did you get it - " they both looked back towards Jake's where the windows were dark.

"Nevermind", Cas said. Dean looked at him questioningly but didn't pursue it. They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment before Dean turned back towards the Impala, ignoring the questions that rose up in his mind.

As they reached Baby, Cas stopped. He was wrestling with the idea of telling Dean everything right now, even though he knew it would be playing with fire in more ways than one. And he almost did start blurting it all out, until Dean turned around and looked at him...like that. And Cas blushed, forgetting about everything but the time he had left to love this beautiful hunter, as short as that time may be.

-

The road trip to the bunker started off awkwardly; neither Dean nor Cas broke the silence that gathered between them, and at first the radio was off. Just the drone of Baby’s engine could be heard, and Cas found himself wondering if Dean would let him hold his hand while he drove. He almost did it; his fingers twitched in his lap, but he shoved the idea down deep. He had been programmed to give Dean personal space for so long that it was still a hurdle that was hard for him to get over, even after everything that they had done together last night.  


Finally Cas couldn’t take the silence anymore and pushed the tape in to the deck, turned up the volume, and closed his eyes as he relaxed back against the seat. The familiar sound of Styx filled the Impala, and he willed himself to get lost in the music. He still wasn’t ready to talk about the predicament that they were now in. And to make everything even more confusing, his mind kept straying back to the night before and it made his whole body feel hot. It was torture to have so many human emotions coursing through him at once, and he kept holding his breath.  


Thankfully, the next half an hour successfully put his racing mind at ease after he relaxed in to the playlist that droned from Dean’s mix tape. And every time the silence between songs would fill the space for a moment, Cas found himself anticipating the next one eagerly. He didn’t think he had heard this mix before, but of course every selection was _so Dean_. It made him smile to himself and he rocked his head in time to _Nothing Else Matters_ by Metallica, forgetting everything else.  


Cas suddenly became aware that Dean’s eyes were on him, and he glanced over at his hunter hazily. Looking him in the eye still made Cas’s heart beat louder; he could get lost in those green eyes, and even though the lines on Dean’s face had deepened over the years, more so than perhaps other men his age because of what he had endured, he was still beautiful; the most beautiful man that Cas had ever seen. He blinked slowly and smiled as Dean flushed and looked back at the road. But one of his hands found its way from the steering wheel, across the worn leather of the passenger seat, and into Cas’s.  


Dean slowly twined his fingers with Cas’s and Cas appreciated the roughness of Dean's skin mixed with the softness of his touch. He wasn’t sure he would ever have another moment that would compare to this one.  


And as Metallica droned on from the mix tape, Cas found himself almost unable to breathe…again. Dean had pulled Cas's hand up to his lips and was brushing light kisses across his knuckles, humming along: _forever trust in who you are, and nothing else matters..._ in a husky, melancholy tone. He interrupted himself for a second to look at Cas with a small smile, and Cas didn’t think he had ever seen a smile like that from Dean. It reached his eyes, and it was content. _I love you so much_ , Cas thought.  


Eventually, as the song changed over, Dean gave Cas his hand back and placed his own back on the steering wheel. But almost immediately, Cas leaned across the center console and rested his hand softly on Dean’s thigh; his need to be physically close to Dean had become overwhelming. It made him blush hard at first, and he stared intently at the floor.  


Dean kept his eyes focused on the road for several more minutes with Cas’s hand resting softly on him before he couldn’t stand it anymore, and he pulled Baby to the side of the road, letting her idle after they came to a stop. Neither of them had said anything yet, and they didn’t have to; the air was thick with their undeniable need for each other.  


The tape stopped, and it was quiet again as Dean leaned across the car and kissed Cas gently, running his fingers along his angel's jaw, memorizing him. His hands stopped at the knot of Cas’s loose tie, and Dean pulled him in by it, intensifying the kiss for a moment longer until they were both breathless. Cas didn't want it to end; he leaned in to Dean, exploring the inside of his velvet soft lips with his tongue, holding on to him tightly, tempted to crawl in to Dean's lap.  


“Ok. We can make it back…we’re close.” Dean whispered hoarsely as he pulled away abruptly, eyes glazed, shoulders shaking. “Ok?”  


Cas nodded, unable to respond. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and he blinked rapidly as Dean started the Impala up again and gripped the steering wheel tight, intent on making it back to the bunker in record time.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was in the kitchen making eggs when Dean appeared at the door. Sam knew immediately something was up, and he turned all the way around, frying pan and flipper in hand, as he squinted questioningly at his brother.

"What's with you?" He asked.

Dean stepped aside and let Cas enter the room. Sam immediately raised his eyebrows, dramatic lines forming on his forehead, and he let the pan clatter loudly on the stove as he strode towards Cas and wrapped him in a giant hug, picking him up off the ground.

"Cas! How...?" He released him from the vicelike hug and looked at him happily.

"Maybe we could talk over breakfast?" Cas suggested. He was starving. They hadn't stopped for food on the way back, which was unlike Dean, but they both had other things on their mind. Cas's heart jumped in to his throat when he thought about it again. He hoped they would be able to pick up where they had left off in the Impala soon.

"Fried eggs coming up!" Sam said, and smiled as he turned back to the stove.

"I need a shower", Dean said to the wall, as he sauntered past Sam and punched him playfully. "Thanks for making breakfast Sammy."

Dean made it all the way out of sight before Cas heard his footsteps stop, and his head reappeared. "Cas?" He looked intentionally at Cas, who exchanged a quick glance with Sam, shrugged, and followed Dean out the door.

Sam smiled to himself as Cas disappeared and shook his head. _Fucking finally_ , he thought.

-

Eileen wandered into the kitchen shortly after Dean and Cas both disappeared, wearing one of Sam's blue flannel shirts. Sam liked it that she preferred to wear his shirts to bed. She looked cute in them. And he took a moment to pull her into a hug, and then signed to her that they would be making breakfast for 4. She brightened at this news, inquiring as to who the other two would be.

"Dean and Cas" he said, and signed their names as well for emphasis. She raised her eyebrows in surprise, and a smile spread over her face.

"Where are they now?" She signed.

"Showering," he said, and nodded in a knowing way, giving Eileen a playful wink and rolling his eyes. Eileen's eyes widened at this news and she giggled before sitting down and propping a leg up against the kitchen table.

 _Fucking finally_ , she thought.

-

Sam had to put the eggs in the oven to keep them warm - Dean and Cas had disappeared for a half an hour and he started wondering if they would come back at all, or spend the rest of the day in Dean's room. 

But right when he thought about giving up on their return, Dean appeared in the doorway, whistling happily as he slid into his chair, looking around for food. Sam studied him from across the table in silence until Dean asked the obvious question:

"Where's breakfast?"

"How was your shower?" Sam smirked at him. He could tell Dean was going to say something sarcastic back to him until Cas appeared and rendered him speechless.

Dean seemed to forget all about breakfast as he watched Cas wander over and take the chair next to him. 

Cas felt Dean staring at him and looked over with a small smile.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothin." Dean said. "You should always wear my clothes." Cas blushed and looked down thoughtfully at the black t-shirt and jeans that Dean had given him. He was also critically aware of the fact that Sam and Eileen were both watching him, and so he kept his head down. He didn't think he liked the feeling of awkwardness that had gripped him just now, and avoided making eye contact with anyone.

There was a thickness in the air as Sam brought food back to the table. No one wanted to talk first; to break the spell that had fallen over them all. And so they ate in silence for several moments before Sam decided to inquire more about Cas's sudden return.

"Are you here to stay, Cas?" He inquired.

Cas was still staring at the table when he answered.

"No," he said. "I'm not." He gave a sidelong glance at Dean, who had stopped eating and was looking at him intensely. "I have to go back to Heaven with Jack soon. He let me come back here for a day to say a proper goodbye. He pulled me out of The Empty; he saved me. I owe him a great debt and he needs me." Cas continued to stare vacantly at the table, afraid of what might happen next.

Dean stood up abruptly. He didn't say anything at all - he just laced his fingers behind his head and turned away from everyone at the table, striding angrily to the other side of the room. Then he proceeded to shift his weight from one foot to the other while staring at the wall. Everyone watched him, afraid of what might happen next.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I was looking for the right moment to tell you." Cas didn't move as he spoke. He just sat. 

And when Dean turned around, striding back across the room, he grabbed Cas by the arms as if he might shake him. His grasp wasn't painful, but it was angry. Cas could tell even without his powers that Dean was wrestling with extreme anger, mixed with confusion and pain; he could see it in his eyes as the two of them became lost in an uncomfortable stare that seemed to last forever. 

He thought that maybe everything that had just happened between them was for nothing now, and that he would leave this time with as much sorrow as he had last time. He also thought the feeling of guilt that he had might kill him.

"You son of a bitch," Dean whispered angrily, and withdrew his hands from Cas to grab a coffee cup and throw it hard against the wall so it shattered. Sam and Eileen were still sitting at the table, not at all sure what to do.

"Dean?" Sam finally said quietly, staring at the table. Dean whirled around and pointed a finger at Sam.

"Don't", he said. "Just...don't." And he strode angrily out of the room. "Nobody follow me", he yelled back over his shoulder. And nobody did; at least not at first.

-

Several minutes passed, and Eileen excused herself so that Sam and Cas could talk. Nobody was hungry anymore, and half of the food on the table remained untouched.

"Should I go and talk to him?" Cas asked Sam.

"Yeah. I think you should", Sam said matter of factly. "But...why did you wait until now to tell him that you aren't staying?"

Cas always appreciated Sam's thoughtful and direct nature. He never felt judged or uncomfortable in Sam's presence, and he was happy to have him here now to talk about Dean. He had always loved Sam so much, like a brother, and was going to miss him.

"Because I had to know first. I had to know if he loved me, too. And everything just happened so...fast. When I got back, I mean."

"And does he?" Sam asked.

"What?" Cas was confused.

"...love you? Does he love you? The way that you love him?"

"Yes. But...you knew that, didn't you?" Cas folded his hands slowly in front of him on the table and held his breath to stop the tears from welling up in his eyes.

"For a long time, Cas."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" His voice wavered.

"Because it wasn't my place. Dean has to learn things on his own.I'm just sorry that it hurt both of you."

"You're right. I know." 2 tears escaped. 

"Sam, Dean is going to die on your next hunt." The confession just came out. Cas couldn't stop it. But he felt immediate relief upon sharing the burden of this truth with Sam. If anyone would know what to do...

"What? No. Who told you that?"

"Jack. He said Dean's fate is written. That it can't be changed."

Sam ran his hands through his hair and over his face, thinking hard. Trying to make sense of this. 

"Why did Jack tell you?"

"Because he knew I would try and stay here with you and Dean once he put me back if things turned out the way that I wanted. He knows deep down that...I belong with you. With my family. But if I stay, I will die, too. A human death."

Sam folded his hands and stared hard at the table, trying not to let the tears escape that he felt collecting in the corners of his eyes. He suddenly felt trapped and helpless. This was a huge burden for him to bear alone, and it would indeed be his alone once Cas was gone tomorrow.

"Cas...I need to...think. We've beat fate before, so maybe there's a way out of this. You go and find Dean, ok? He needs you."

"Thanks Sam." Cas slowly stood up and looked towards the door to the kitchen as he squeezed Sam's shoulder empathetically. 

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Jack also said that Dean wrote his own fate. That he wants to die."

Sam didn't try and hold the tears back any longer. He let them fall, hands folded tightly on the table. Of course this piece of information changed things a little. Or a lot. And he didn't know where to start.

"Go find Dean", Sam whispered.

Cas wished that there was something else he could say to alleviate the feeling of hopelessness that had settled in the room, but there really wasn't. And so he wandered off slowly with a huge weight resting in his heart and his stomach.

He pictured the door to Dean's room in his mind and knew that's where he would find him.

-

Dean was sitting on the floor of his room, in exactly the same position as the last time Cas had said goodbye to him in the bunker; when he thought it was the last time they would ever see each other in this life. It made him hurt from head to toe to see Dean like this again now. So vulnerable, so hurt, and so confused. He stood in the doorway for a moment, waiting to be reprimanded again, but the silence that followed was almost worse.

He fidgeted nervously and took one cautious step after another, until he was hovering right above Dean; his beautiful, broken hunter. He slid his back down the wall until he was seated very close beside him.

At first his heart pounded in his ears and he was afraid. But the fear melted immediately when Dean leaned in to him without a word, and wrapped him in a strong hug. Cas knew he was crying by the way his shoulders shook, and Cas reciprocated by wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, holding him close.

 _This is part of being in love, too; fixing things that are broken_ , Cas thought. And he found a small wave of confidence from somewhere deep down to nudge Dean's face away from his shoulder, and held it in his hands, their foreheads almost touching.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so--"

Dean silenced him with a kiss. And it felt different this time; less urgent than their previous encounters had been. Cas pulled him closer until Dean was straddling his lap, and Cas was pushed firmly up against the wall, breathing in and out steadily between soft kisses, running his hands over the now familiar lines of Dean's face and neck, with Dean's hands planted firmly on Cas's upper arms, clinging to him desperately. The moment was intense

Finally, Dean pulled away.

"Sleep with me?" He muttered deeply.

"Shouldn't we talk first? About my leaving, I mean?" Cas breathed.

"Later", Dean said, and untangled himself out of Cas's lap before sauntering slowly over to the bed.

Cas followed his lead and slipped beneath the cool sheets until he was up against Dean's back.

"Just for a little while", Dean murmured, and pulled Cas's arm around his chest. Cas smiled secretly, realizing he had misinterpreted the request at first. But he was ready for this...snuggling, he was pretty sure it was called. Spooning, maybe? It didn't matter. Whatever it was, it made him feel warm, and he molded himself to the contour of Dean's body and closed his eyes, head buried comfortably in Dean's neck.

It took only seconds for the both of them to be in a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

It was always hard to tell what time it was in the bunker. When Cas opened his eyes sleepily after what seemed like mere minutes, he first checked to make sure that Dean was still next to him before looking over at the clock, which read 6:30pm. His heart sank a little - they had slept the entire day away. But when he glanced back at Dean again, sleeping more peacefully than Cas had ever seen before, he could hold no resentment at the way they had spent their day. 

He rolled back towards Dean again, burying his face in his neck and planting small kisses behind his ear. He smiled softly when he felt goosebumps forming on Dean's back. Dean mumbled quietly before his eyes fluttered open and he rolled on to his back, pulling Cas on top of him gently and cradling his face in his hands as he blinked slowly, letting the world come in to focus.

 _I can't live without this, now that I know what it's like to have it_ , Dean thought. He was surprised that this thought came to him so matter of factly. He knew he would die to keep Cas forever. Cas was his angel now in every way...no longer just his protector and his best friend, but his lover and his happiness. And he knew now, more clearly than ever, what Cas's words had meant before he had been pulled into The Empty. 

But the difference was that Dean knew that his own happiness was in the knowing _and_ the having with Cas; he had surrendered completely to it now, and he didn't want to fight it. And the peace that he felt thinking about finally letting go of a mortal life, and ending his fight as a hunter made sense. His heart would break to stay here alone. He had given the world enough, hadn't he?

Sam had Eileen now, and somehow he knew if he talked to Sam about his revelations and his decision, that Sam would be angry at first - he would fight him - but then he would accept it. And Sam would be able to live the type of life that neither of them ever dared to think that they could have once he was gone.

Dean returned his thoughts to the present and rewarded Cas's sudden exploratory kisses with light caresses up and down his back before burying his fingers in Cas's hair again and rolling his body upwards into him as they kissed, eyes closed tightly, surrendering unapologetically to the love he felt for _his angel_.

-

Dean wandered into the main hall of the bunker a short time later and was met with a table that had been set for two - two plates, two sets of silverware, and two lowball glass arranged next to a full bottle of expensive whiskey. _Sam, you son of a bitch_ , Dean thought affectionately, and shook his head, smiling. 

Upon further investigation of the set up, he saw that Sam and Eileen (probably Eileen mostly) had left snacks, and Sam had left a note: _Figured you would be hungry. Be back with real dinner soon - enjoy. -Sam._

Cas joined Dean in his observation of the scene before them.

"Let's have a drink", Dean said, and grabbed the bottle of whiskey as he sat down. Cas followed suit and sat across from him.

Once they both had a generous pour of the liquor in front of them, Dean raised his glass to make a toast.

"To us, Cas." 

Cas met Dean's glass halfway, and the sharp clink of the glasses was almost deafening as they sat in silence, both thinking about the heaviness of their impending circumstance.

Dean downed his entire drink immediately and stood up, placing his hands on either side of the empty glass on the table.

"Time for some music", he said, and a smile played in the corner of his mouth as he winked at Cas, who smiled back.

Dean wandered over to the record player in the corner and thumbed through the record collection - some were his and some had been at the bunker when they had moved in. And although his intention was to perhaps put on something new to make the memory of this night unique, Dean settled on Led Zeppelin, wondering instead if Cas would recognize it. And after placing the needle down, and hearing "Stairway to Heaven" begin playing with the familiar crackle, he wondered if he would regret the mood that he had just created by putting on this particular selection. But he held fast to his choice and wandered back over to the table, pouring another generous glass of whiskey and promptly drinking it down as quickly as the first.

"Stairway to Heaven", Cas said quietly.

"What, Cas?"

"This is...Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin."

"It is." Dean looked intently at him.

"It's on the mix tape that you made me."

"So you listened to that?"

"Yes. Many times." Cas lifted his glass to his lips and drank the rest of its contents before pouring a second one and drinking that, too.

"Let's finish it", Dean said flatly, reaching intentionally for the bottle again.

"Yes. Let's."


	5. Chapter 5

Sam and Eileen walked in on a slightly confusing scene when they returned to the bunker, and Sam contemplated the situation for a minute before announcing their presence with a question, since neither Dean or Cas acknowledged their entrance.

"Are you...playing Scrabble?" He finally asked.

Dean looked up at him through slightly blurry eyes and studied Sam for a minute. He and Cas were sitting cross legged on the floor in the living room across from each other, Scrabble board in the middle. The only words on the board were "hello" and "Castiel."

"I'm doing normal people things", he said, and gave Sam a tight lipped smile before going back to studying the board.

"Friends", Cas said from across the board.

"What, Cas?" Sam asked.

"This song. It's called Friends. But I think one of the people in the song wants to be more than just friends." He stopped talking abruptly after that and took a drink of whisky out of the almost empty bottle. 

Sam recognized the bottle as the expensive selection that he had left on the table for them. He rolled his eyes and proceeded to pick his way over to Cas and took the bottle away. His actions were met with no resistance from Cas, who was still staring at the board intently, swaying to the sounds of Led Zeppelin...or maybe from his whiskey buzz. Sam wasn't actually sure.

"You're supposed to enjoy this, not drink the whole thing at once", Sam said with annoyance.

"Oh, we're enjoying it", Dean retorted.

"How long have you been playing this?" Sam asked, the annoyance still rampant in his voice.

"I don't know, like a half hour?" Dean said, wrinkling his eyebrows in an annoyed, brotherly way and looking up at Sam from across the Scrabble board.

Sam looked at Eileen and shook his head, his eyes widening in defeat. He was relieved to see that Eileen was considering the scene with amusement.

"Did you know that you can't use proper nouns in Scrabble?" She asked, directing her gaze at Dean.

"Proper what?" He asked.

"Proper nouns. Like names", she said.

"Let's not confuse Cas here", Dean said. He looked across the board adoringly at Cas, who was preparing to make his second word. 

As he put his letters down, all three of the other occupants in the room watched; it was strange to watch Cas engage in human activities and there was something slightly comical about watching a fallen angel of the Lord playing Scrabble, cross legged on the floor, wearing Dean's clothes. The appreciation for the moment was felt deeply by all.

"Heaven. Double word score." Cas looked up proudly and glanced around the room, waiting for affirmation that this was a good move. 

Dean counted the points silently and recorded them on his scorecard, which happened to be the back of the pad of notes that Sam had been keeping for a vamp case that he was planning on taking this week. And when Sam saw it, a slow realization drifted like poison through his mind: that was it. That was the case...their last case. He held his breath and tried not to let his mind go back down the "what if" rabbit hole again. Not yet. He took Eileen's hand and guided her out of the room as he remained lost in thought.

Sam Grabbed Eileen gently by the arms once they were alone in the kitchen and turned her so she was facing him. He kissed her softly and said "we need to make this dinner special for Dean and Cas." She nodded knowingly and went to work prepping the counters for cooking. Sam unloaded the grocery bags and simultaneously put the bottle of whiskey to his lips, finishing it off with a shrug.

-

This was the fifth night in a row that Sam and Eileen had put together a fabulous dinner spread, but the first that Dean hadn't been absent from the bunker or too drunk to join them. Sam knew how much he had been struggling with Cas's death, and hadn't had the heart to rein him in. 

He had hoped that Dean's latest bender would be short lived, but after his conversation with Cas earlier in the day, he was trying to come to terms with the fact that his brother might actually be on his way to being gone for good. 

He planned on addressing this with Dean after Cas said his final goodbyes, so that he could be there in whatever way his brother might need him. He was critically aware that this may be the last happy meal that he would ever have with his family.

-

Eileen set dinner out on the table in the bunker dining room, accompanied by several bottles of red wine. She wiped her hands nervously on her jeans as she surveyed the scene, making sure that everything was accounted for. It seemed to be, and she exhaled sharply as she turned back once more to the kitchen to grab plates, wine glasses and silverware. The pressure she felt to make this dinner event perfect was weighing heavily on her.

"Sam, can you grab our lovebirds? Dinner is ready."

Sam was sitting on the counter, legs dangling, head down, and hair hanging in his face. He had been like that for the better part of an hour, and her instinct told her to let him be until the last minute - he had a lot to work through considering today's events.

And so now, touching his face and speaking to him gently, pushing his hair back behind his ears, she felt tears on his face and her heart sank. She knew that this was all inevitable as soon as the scene at breakfast this morning, but had hoped they would be able to at least get through dessert tonight without thick sadness in the air. His face was flushed, his eyes puffy, and it broke her heart. She worked her way between his legs and hugged him hard, her face buried in his chest. He responded by hugging her so tightly she could barely breathe, but she stood still, letting him take as long as he needed to work through what he was feeling.

Eileen desperately hoped that Sam knew how much she cared; how much she wanted to protect him from everything evil in the world. And how much she loved him. She never felt like saying the words truly conveyed the depth of love she had for her tall, sensitive hunter. She had never felt so intensely devoted to anyone in her entire life, and she would give up anything for his happiness. It was the reason that she felt that she understood Dean and Cas's present situation so clearly. Thinking about how hard it would be to put herself and Sam in their place made her feel physically ill and caused panic in her heart. What a terrible thing love could be, really. And yet...

Sam let go of her after several minutes and cupped her face gently in his hands.

"I love you", he said.

"I love you, too, Sam."

"Would you...marry me? The timing...might be off...but I can't wait anymore. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

This abrupt proposal caught her off guard, but also filled her with happiness, and all she could manage was a small nod in place of words. So Sam produced a small ring box from his coat pocket. The contents brought her to tears - a yellow gold band with a heart shaped diamond sparkling in the center.

"You have my heart...forever." Sam said. "I want to spend forever with you."

"I...want to spend eternity with you. Even after forever has come and gone." Eileen watched the words bring a beautiful smile to Sam's face, and he slid the ring on her left hand and hugged her tight for a second time. And they cried together for a moment before Sam descended down from the countertop, kissing Eileen softly, and wandered off to fetch Dean and Cas.

-

Sam found them asleep on the couch together. Scrabble had been forgotten after the third word. The record player had stopped, and so only the crackle of the turntable accompanied by the sound of slow, content breathing from the couch and of Eileen setting the table in the dining room filled the silence.

 _It sounds like home should sound_ , Sam thought. He didn't think he had ever witnessed a more peaceful scene at the bunker and realized this may be the happiest, most bittersweet moment of his life. He wandered over to the record player and re-started Led Zeppelin again with Stairway to Heaven. Dean stirred at the sound, and woke pleasantly. Sam watched him have a moment of panic as he felt for Cas, followed by immediate calm when he discovered that Cas was small spoon in front of him.

Dean looked over at Sam and smiled.

"Dinner ready?" He asked in a gravelly voice. "Smells good."

"Yeah. Come when you're ready." Sam put his hands in his pockets and sauntered back to the dining room.

-

The question of the evening hung in the air unasked until the third bottle of wine had been consumed, and it was Sam who asked it: "...so when did you know you loved Dean?" There was silence for a moment after the abruptness of the inquiry; the last hour had been strictly a celebration of Sam and Eileen's engagement and a reflection of everything that had come to pass over the years between the four family members at the table. The change of pace brought everyone back down to earth as they waited anxiously for Cas to respond. 

"I...don't know", Cas said, furrowing his eyebrows in thought. He glanced affectionately at Dean, blinking slowly, and grabbed his hand under the table.

"You don't?" Dean asked, slightly surprised.

"No. I think in a way I always have. But romantically...I don't fully understand that emotion as an angel. I suppose I felt it for the first time when I was human before. But I never dared to let myself feel that too much then, or any time after, even once I knew how to identify it. I never expected it to be important enough to change anything. I never thought that my feelings...could be reciprocated. So it didn't matter. Not until the end."

Silence descended on the room. Cas looked quietly at Dean and squeezed his hand. Dean stared at the floor.

"It's time for me and Cas to go for a drive", he finally said in a gruff, melancholy tone. And they all knew that their time together had come to end.

"Yeah. Ok. Dean, call me on your way back later, ok?"

"You got it Sammy", he whispered, and stood up abruptly.

Sam closed the distance between them in short order and wrapped his brother in a tight, protective hug.

"You come back, you hear?" Sam whispered. "The world isn't quite done with you yet. We've got one more hunt. Just the two of us, ok? One more."

Dean was surprised at Sam's intuition as he pushed back from their hug and clapped him affectionately on the shoulder.

"You got it, brother." He turned away so Sam wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

Cas hugged Sam next - a longer, meaningful embrace. When they parted, Sam had tears in his eyes, too, which he wiped away, smiling, and backing away towards the kitchen. He knew he couldn't keep it together much longer and he intended to be out of sight before breaking down.

"I'll seeya, Sam." It's all Cas could manage to say in the moment, and he turned to follow Dean up the stairs. And they left the bunker together for the last time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You taught me the courage of stars before you left.  
> How light carries on endlessly, even after death.  
> With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.  
> How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.  
> -Saturn, by _Sleeping at Last_

They drove in silence for over an hour. Cas didn't ask where they were going - Dean seemed to know right where he wanted them to be when they said goodbye. His heart pounded hard as the rumble of the Impala filled his ears like a familiar song, and he closed his eyes to concentrate. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when they arrived at their destination. What would his last conversation with Dean be like? He didn't think there was anything he could say that would ever be enough.

Eventually Dean pulled the Impala off of the main road and drove down a small, tree lined lane that led to a dead end. Cas looked at him; Dean had his jaw set firmly, deep in thought, as they reached the end of the road.

Once Dean got out of the car, he trudged silently forward through the long, snow covered grass towards the small path in front of them, and Cas followed. He shivered slightly in the cold and wrapped his arms around himself for warmth; he had left his coat at the bunker.

Finally they reached a break in the trees and Cas found himself standing next to Dean in a beautiful, starlit clearing. Ten feet in front of them was a drop off that led down to a valley shrouded in shadow, with only the tree tops below illuminated by the shining light from the sky.

"It looks like you can see into forever, doesn't it? Like you could almost see heaven from here?" Dean said, looking up at the sky and breaking the silence between them. "This is where I've come every night since I lost you, Cas. Sometimes I bring a bottle, and sometimes I don't. I wish I had been here last night when you found me, instead of at that roadhouse; this is a much better place to say I love you, isn't it?" 

Cas put his hand softly on Dean's shoulder.

There were tears in Dean's eyes now, and his voice had deepened and faded until he couldn't say any more without breaking. His shoulders slumped, and he stood awkwardly next to Cas, unsure what to do next.

Cas moved to put his hands on Dean's face, and Dean abruptly pulled Cas into an aggressive hug, burying his face in Cas's shoulder. 

_Maybe words aren't important. Maybe this is all we need _, Cas thought.__

____

Soon he felt a presence behind him, and he moved away from Dean gently to turn around. Jack stood there, patiently waiting for Cas to notice him in the starry silence. Cas knew that Jack was visible only to him, and so he stood still, acknowledging Jack by making eye contact and nodding softly.

____

"It's time to come home, Castiel", he said. "I'll be waiting." He motioned upwards with his eyes and made eye contact with Cas again to make sure his request was clear.

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Jack disappeared as quickly as he had come, but Cas realized right away that he had been given his powers back. He was no longer cold, and he sensed Dean more keenly.

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Cas had regained his wings, too, and for a moment he felt exposed. He had never appeared this way to Dean before. It was a stark reminder that they were from different worlds, and for a moment, his wings also served as a symbol of the fragility of their relationship and the time it had taken for Dean to trust him because of what he was. _But it eventually turned in to love _, he thought. He was trying to reason with himself.__

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__It was because Cas was an angel that he could be here now, but it was also the reason that he had to say goodbye, and the bittersweet memories from their years together suddenly made Cas feel exhausted. The heaviness of his wings weighed him down unbearably as he trembled, and he was unable to look Dean in the eye as his mind swirled with conflicting thoughts._ _

Dean was surprised when he had looked away for a single second, only to look back and see that Cas had wings. It made his breath catch in his throat. In all of the years that they had known one another, he had never seen Cas like this. He could tell that Cas felt uncomfortable, and Dean wished he didn't. He wanted to tell him that he was perfect, but for a moment he was lost for words and all he could do was stare.

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"Cas. You're...beautiful. So fucking beautiful. Can I...?" Dean finally broke the silence between them and reached out to touch the raven black feathers of Castiel's wings, breaking Cas out of his melancholy trance entirely with those few simple words. Cas nodded, bringing his shining blue eyes back up to make contact with Dean's bright green ones, and Dean was immediately lost in their glowing, celestial depth. The moment was euphoric for them both as they allowed themselves to _feel_ , stripped down to raw emotion. If only they had been able to experience this years ago...how different things could have been. 

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They held a steady gaze between them, both lost in thought, as Dean slid his hands down the soft wings, moving closer and closer until his forehead touched Cas's and he closed his eyes, breathing shakily. And in a moment of confidence, Cas wrapped both of them inside the ebony softness of his wings, pushing their bodies together, and searching for a kiss. Dean ran his finger along Cas's bottom lip before giving in to it, immersing himself in everything that was Cas and absorbing every last touch and emotion hungrily. 

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Their kiss was passionate...deep...frantic. Dean buried his hands deep in Cas's feathers, and Cas thought he would lose his ability to breathe; the feeling was exquisite. He felt his body weaken with longing, knowing that he had to pull away or he would be lost again, unable to do what he knew he must. 

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Tearing himself away took every last bit of strength he had left and he had to kneel to catch his breath, eyes closed, steadying his mind. _This isn't over yet_ , he thought, and the idea brought him comfort.

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"Dean Winchester. I will be waiting for you when you come home", he said breathlessly. He looked at Dean again and saw peace in his eyes. It made him warm to see that, and it brought closure to the moment that he had craved without knowing it. All he had really wanted - all that he had needed - was to see Dean happy. And to know that Dean loved him and that he was the _key_ to his hunter's happiness was more satisfying than he could have ever fathomed. He only wished that all of this didn't have to be so bittersweet. But he supposed that was the way that things had always been with everything for the Winchesters. 

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"I love you, Cas", Dean whispered. He blinked slowly and a small smile hovered on his lips as he memorized this last moment.

"I know," Cas whispered back, and he spread his wings towards Heaven, ascended upwards, and got lost amongst the stars.

And Dean picked up his phone to call Sammy. He owed him one last hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this ending. Wings or no wings? Definitely needed the wings in the end. A symbolic reminder that an angel and a hunter fell in love. Supernatural actually ruined me.


End file.
